Nail Bitchez

Like me, I’m sure you’ve seen more than your share of posts, pins and memes about not giving a fuck. And of course sites like have given us all the power to express exactly how many fucks we do not give.

Here’s my current favourite…


However when it comes to really, seriously not giving a fuck we’re all playing in the amateur leagues. Because nobody, but nobody, doesn’t give a fuck like the nail technicians at my local salon.

I call them the Nail Bitchez and they are truly fabulous at not giving a fuck.

Please don’t misunderstand my use of the word “bitch” in this description – in this case it is not only an accolade but the best way for me to express my utter admiration for the fucks they do not give. To illustrate I have compiled the following list to show that these ladies (and one gent) set the pace when it comes to giving fucks (or not…)

1. Wardrobe

Although they wear drab white lab coats and “Hello Kitty” dust masks on the outside they team them with strappy stiletto heels, chandelier earrings and diamante anklets.

The glimpses of the outfits underneath the unflattering exterior layer suggest that they need only whip of that lab coat to be nightclub-ready.

The Hello Kitty dust mask favoured by the Nail Bitchez

The Hello Kitty dust mask favoured by the Nail Bitchez

2. Customer Service

It’s awesome in one sense – the girls really do awesome nails. And the one gent, who appears to be the owner/boss, is even better – truly a nail ninja.

However the real artistry is in their ability to do a such fabulous job while still appearing not to give one single fuck about the person attached to the nails they are filing. They talk to each other constantly exclusively in Vietnamese, only pausing to address their client in sulky English on matters such as “Which colour you want?”.

They also frequently break into gales of screechy laughter at something one of them has said, immediately causing their predominantly Aussie clientele to wonder if they are laughing at them.

Saying things like “Look at these skanky nails – she must work in a rubbish dump!” or worse “God I hope she doesn’t want a pedicure today – I just couldn’t face it!”.

Not that I’m paranoid or anything…

3. Attitude

No one conveys the attitude required to really, seriously not give a fuck like the gent who runs the salon.

The “Nail Ninja”, as I’ve christened him in my head, struts around the salon basically paying out on the girls and just generally being a cocky shit. Obviously I don’t speak Vietnamese but his tone, coupled with the sarcastic and indignant squawks he often provokes from the girls, is unmistakable.

He makes and receives many calls on his mobile (as do the girls, often while mid-manicure). Everything about his style and body language screams “gangsta”.

And then when a customer comes in he sits down at a counter, dons his Hello Kitty dust mask and does your nails… like a fucking BOSS!

Not the naff mask or the fact that he’s doing what a lot of Aussie blokes would consider a “girls job” detracts one bit from his complete self assurance. Truly the guy is the master of not giving a fuck.

Despite what any retail consultant worth his salt would say all this not giving a fuck seems to be the secret to their success. They’re always busy, in shopping centre where there are at least 2 other businesses that have closed in the last few months.

One thing’s for sure – they’ve got a customer for life in me 🙂

PS – Do you have any Nail Bitchez in your life? I’d love to know if they’re as fabulous as mine!

My current nails in  OPI "Number One Nemesis". The metallic gun-metal colour makes me feel dangerous!

My current nails in OPI “Number One Nemesis”. The metallic gun-metal colour makes me feel dangerous!