If you go down to the woods today…

Last week, for the first time that I can remember, the mainstream media put bloggers under the spotlight.

They ventured deep into the Enchanted Forest of the internet on a modern day witch-hunt, determined to find those bloggers who had the AUDACITY to think that they might usurp the position of journalists as opinion formers, and teach them a lesson once and for all.

However if you’re a frequent visitor in the Enchanted Forest you’ll know that bloggers are only one of the creatures you’ll come across during your travels. They share this landscape with all sorts of strange animals, mythical creatures and curious life-forms

So since bloggers were the focus of last week, I thought it might be interesting to look at some of the other creatures I’ve seen on my journey through the forest.

Like any environment you’ll find that it’s inhabited by the good, the bad, and the just plain ugly. Luckily so far I’ve only come across the “good” but I’m very aware that the “bad” and the “ugly” are out there too, so I figure forewarned is forearmed!


Have you just read a comment questioning whether women with children are really cut out for the workforce? Seen a post on Facebook of an image implying that if people don’t like the rules in Australia they can “fuck-off back to where they came from”?

Then you’ve just come across the work of a knob-goblin.

Knob Goblin Final

Bigoted, narrow-minded throwbacks to our not so illustrous past knob-goblins think racist jokes are funny and that women should be in the kitchen making sandwiches and that marriage should be between Adam & Eve not Adam & Steve. And as you can see their physical characteristics display an outer manifestation of their inner “knobbery” which make them easy to spot!

You can defeat a knob-goblin simply by offering a well-reasoned argument. Once they start using sentences where every second word is the f-word you you know you’ve won!


Trolls are mostly solitary creatures. They spend their days wallowing in a bog of “excrement”.

Rather than do anything about extricating themselves from this bog, it’s much easier to simply drag as many other people in to the bog as possible.

They do this by getting your attention – once they have it they can suck you down into the bog. And a particularly good way of achieving this is to try to take you down a peg or two.

Troll Final

A Troll can be defeated by simply starving it – of attention that is. Ignoring the troll robs it of all it’s power and keeps you from getting sucked in to the bog.


Scampering through the undergrowth of the Enchanted Forrest are the Anonymice.

They can be harmless – sometimes it’s just because they can’t be bothered to set themselves up with a Disqus account (and Lord knows I do sympathise with that).

But sometimes it’s so they can spread their “droppings” wthout having any stick to their fur.

Anonymouse Final

In the end the Anonynymice defeat themselves. Even if they come up with the most scintillating argument EVER, even if they cut you to the quick with insults and slander, it won’t matter. Becuase no one will ever know it was them.

Thought Police

This crew are out to make sure that all opinions conform to the Thought Police Code of Opinions.

Any opinions outside the code are heavily sanctioned and offenders should know that the Thought Police will not hesitate to villify them publicly should they be expressed within the Enchanted Forrest.


The Thought Police are neither good or bad but they have numbers on their side. Persistance is the only way to defeat them – if you stick to you guns hard enough on a particular opinion eventually they wander off to persecute the next opinion that infringes the code.

Anyway that’s enough of the bad and the ugly for now!

To finish up let’s have a look at some of the “good guys” of the Enchanted Forrest

Kindred Spirits

Sometimes you come across a fellow traveller and there’s that instant “click”. They get you and you get them – no explanations necessary.

Sometimes it’s a particular passion, hobby or belief that brings you together, but sometimes it might just be as simple as someone who understands your sense of humour.

Kindred Spirits

Either way these Kindred Spirits are what keep many of us travelling in the Enchanted Forest. They make the good times better, and often are the only thing that makes up for the bad and the ugly of the Forest.

Fairy Godmothers and Fathers

Well they need no explanation really do they? Occasionally you may have the fortune to meet one of these fairy folk. They share advice, provide encouragement and give knowledge without expectation of reward.

Quite simply they make the Forest a better place for everyone 🙂

fairy final

And there’s one particular Fairy Godmother or Godfather somewhere in the Enchanted Forest who was lovely enough to nominate The Very Inappropriate Blog for the Kidspot 2013 Voices of Influence competition!

I wish I knew who you were so I could express just how much that means to me! If you’d like to identify yourself you can let me know in the comments or send me an email at theviblog@outlook.com.

I promise not to gush all over you like an over excited St. Bernard (well not too much anyway…).