If you go down to the woods today…

Last week, for the first time that I can remember, the mainstream media put bloggers under the spotlight.

They ventured deep into the Enchanted Forest of the internet on a modern day witch-hunt, determined to find those bloggers who had the AUDACITY to think that they might usurp the position of journalists as opinion formers, and teach them a lesson once and for all.

However if you’re a frequent visitor in the Enchanted Forest you’ll know that bloggers are only one of the creatures you’ll come across during your travels. They share this landscape with all sorts of strange animals, mythical creatures and curious life-forms

So since bloggers were the focus of last week, I thought it might be interesting to look at some of the other creatures I’ve seen on my journey through the forest.

Like any environment you’ll find that it’s inhabited by the good, the bad, and the just plain ugly. Luckily so far I’ve only come across the “good” but I’m very aware that the “bad” and the “ugly” are out there too, so I figure forewarned is forearmed!


Have you just read a comment questioning whether women with children are really cut out for the workforce? Seen a post on Facebook of an image implying that if people don’t like the rules in Australia they can “fuck-off back to where they came from”?

Then you’ve just come across the work of a knob-goblin.

Knob Goblin Final

Bigoted, narrow-minded throwbacks to our not so illustrous past knob-goblins think racist jokes are funny and that women should be in the kitchen making sandwiches and that marriage should be between Adam & Eve not Adam & Steve. And as you can see their physical characteristics display an outer manifestation of their inner “knobbery” which make them easy to spot!

You can defeat a knob-goblin simply by offering a well-reasoned argument. Once they start using sentences where every second word is the f-word you you know you’ve won!


Trolls are mostly solitary creatures. They spend their days wallowing in a bog of “excrement”.

Rather than do anything about extricating themselves from this bog, it’s much easier to simply drag as many other people in to the bog as possible.

They do this by getting your attention – once they have it they can suck you down into the bog. And a particularly good way of achieving this is to try to take you down a peg or two.

Troll Final

A Troll can be defeated by simply starving it – of attention that is. Ignoring the troll robs it of all it’s power and keeps you from getting sucked in to the bog.


Scampering through the undergrowth of the Enchanted Forrest are the Anonymice.

They can be harmless – sometimes it’s just because they can’t be bothered to set themselves up with a Disqus account (and Lord knows I do sympathise with that).

But sometimes it’s so they can spread their “droppings” wthout having any stick to their fur.

Anonymouse Final

In the end the Anonynymice defeat themselves. Even if they come up with the most scintillating argument EVER, even if they cut you to the quick with insults and slander, it won’t matter. Becuase no one will ever know it was them.

Thought Police

This crew are out to make sure that all opinions conform to the Thought Police Code of Opinions.

Any opinions outside the code are heavily sanctioned and offenders should know that the Thought Police will not hesitate to villify them publicly should they be expressed within the Enchanted Forrest.


The Thought Police are neither good or bad but they have numbers on their side. Persistance is the only way to defeat them – if you stick to you guns hard enough on a particular opinion eventually they wander off to persecute the next opinion that infringes the code.

Anyway that’s enough of the bad and the ugly for now!

To finish up let’s have a look at some of the “good guys” of the Enchanted Forrest

Kindred Spirits

Sometimes you come across a fellow traveller and there’s that instant “click”. They get you and you get them – no explanations necessary.

Sometimes it’s a particular passion, hobby or belief that brings you together, but sometimes it might just be as simple as someone who understands your sense of humour.

Kindred Spirits

Either way these Kindred Spirits are what keep many of us travelling in the Enchanted Forest. They make the good times better, and often are the only thing that makes up for the bad and the ugly of the Forest.

Fairy Godmothers and Fathers

Well they need no explanation really do they? Occasionally you may have the fortune to meet one of these fairy folk. They share advice, provide encouragement and give knowledge without expectation of reward.

Quite simply they make the Forest a better place for everyone πŸ™‚

fairy final

And there’s one particular Fairy Godmother or Godfather somewhere in the Enchanted Forest who was lovely enough to nominate The Very Inappropriate Blog for the Kidspot 2013 Voices of Influence competition!

I wish I knew who you were so I could express just how much that means to me! If you’d like to identify yourself you can let me know in the comments or send me an email at theviblog@outlook.com.

I promise not to gush all over you like an over excited St. Bernard (well not too much anyway…).

38 comments on “If you go down to the woods today…

  1. mumabulous says:

    Fantabulous work here. I was nodding along to everyone of these. I’d like if I may to add another sub set – the Jedi masters and Padwans. The JMs are similar to the Fairy Godmother and Fathers but I prefer Star Wars terminology.

    • Rachel says:

      My boys would definitely be voting with you on the terminology question as they are avid Star Wars buffs. They’ve given everyone in the family a Star Wars identity (for example Mr 5 is R2D2 because he is small and busy) and I will adMit to being absurdly pleased whenthey decided I was Princess Amidala πŸ™‚

  2. Jules says:

    LOL! I love it. Perfect description of the Enchanted Forest of the Internet.

  3. Kim says:

    Love your graphics! Where would we be without those fairy godmothers? I always take my whacking stick when I go into the woods – it’s a scary place indeed. πŸ˜‰

  4. thekidsareallrightaustralia says:

    Congrats on the nomination. The Internet can get me down sometimes but the fairy godmothers and kindred spirits do make it worthwhile.

    • Rachel says:

      Thanks Rachel. I haven’t had any personal expereieince with the bad or the ugly but I have observed how easy it can be to be misinterpreted or misrepresented. But so far it IS worthwhile and the Fairy godmothers/fathers and kindred spirits I have met are pretty special πŸ™‚

  5. becc03 says:

    I am lucky like you to have only come into contact with the good. I do not look forward to the day of meeting the ugly, but I do know it’s coming. Thank you for the graphics that will make me laugh instead of cry when I finally do meet them πŸ™‚
    Becc @ Take Charge Now

    • Rachel says:

      Hi Becc. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I might have thought the same. If I can get some strategies in place to be ready for if/when I do encounter any bad guys it might help me deal with it a bit better. And laughter can be a powerful weapon!

  6. Mrs D says:

    Knob-goblin! Love it!!!

  7. Such a great post and so spot on ……
    Love it πŸ™‚

  8. knob goblins. love it! i’m thankful (and somewhat lucky – or just ignorant?) that i’ve really only experienced the kindred spirits and fairies around my parts of the blogosphere. I know the others are out there, but I try to avoid them at all costs!

    • Rachel says:

      I’ve been lucky too and though I certainly won’t be going out looking for them, certain events recently have propted me to at least think about how I might deal with a negative experience. Hopefully for both of us it will be kindred spirits and fairy godmothers all the way πŸ™‚

  9. SarahMac says:

    You are a kindred spirit! I didn’t nominate you but if I’d discovered you by then I would have. I haven’t come across any trolls yet but omg I have many knob goblins in my FB friend feed. Mostly dicks from school posting ranga jokes about Gillard. Original. I should really block them. But I don’t like hurting feelings. I like to think even a knob goblin has feelings somewhere in their black hearts.

    • Rachel says:

      You’re right – we ARE kindred spirits because the knob-goblins in my FB feed were exactly what gave me the idea for this character. The stupid thing is you know these people are basically decent at heart but they just can’t resist juping on board with any bigoted nonsense that their mates are posting. I think many knob=goblins are mainly guilty of a ignorance rather than true malice – which is no excuse but not quite as nasty.

  10. Zanni Arnot says:

    Well, you deserve to be nominated. Your blog is brilliant – this post in particular! You capture the forest perfectly. Zanni @ Heart Mama x

  11. What a great post! I ‘ve just nodded wildly whilst reading! There are a whole lot of people I’d like to send off into the woods like Hansel and Gretel but minus the breadcrumbs. I’ve met some amazing kindred spirits and fairy godmothers on my blog journey too. Love your images πŸ™‚

    • Rachel says:

      Thank you Lara! I love your Hansel and Gretel metaphor – maybe I’ll have to include them in a follow up post about the Enchanted Forest?

  12. Congrats on your nominated Rachel – TOTALLY deserved. Great post BTW, I really hate ‘friends’ who read secretly read my blog but don’t tell me and then when I speak on the phone and I fill them in on what I’ve been doing they say “oh yeah I know” – WANKERS πŸ™‚

    • Rachel says:

      Thanks mate πŸ™‚ Yeah I know what you mean – it’s a bit wierd and a bit creepy, I mean why not just say “Oh i saw you did such and such this week”? But then again I’ve had support from some unexpected quarters which has been lovely too. One of my highschool teachers sent me an FB message to tell me how much he was enjoying my “insights” which immediately made me try to calculate exactly how many F-wrds I used in my most recent post!

  13. Stuart says:

    While I have nothing to do with noms of any sort, I’m still enjoying the thoughts expressed here. Erudite as always Rache.

  14. What a great way to lead into your nomination! And congrats!

    I have some trolls in my life who can’t understand why I bother blogging, what’s the point – if I’m not making lots of money then I must be wasting my time. It’s called FUN people, or THERAPY, or having a LONG TERM STRATEGY!!!!

    • Rachel says:

      Thanks Janet. That’s an interesting point you’ve made – what to do about the “real life” trolls that are not so easily ignored? However I’m not surprised to see you’re already on top of it so I doubt they’ll hold you back at all πŸ™‚

  15. Very clever! This made me laugh out lot especially at knob-goblin πŸ˜‰

  16. Debyl1 says:

    Wonderful post.Your descriptions are so spot on.
    Thank goodness for the Kindred Spirits and the Fairy Godmothers as they make up for the negatives and put the warmth,fun and special moments into the blogging world.x

  17. Hello, yes, they are all there. I’ve never had a troll on my blog, thank goodness. I had one commenter who pointed out an error, but was rude as he did it. So I fixed the error but deleted the comment. Rudeness is banned!

    Did you make these pictures yourself?? I’m so envious as I have no graphics skills!!

    • Rachel says:

      Hi Seana! Yes I do make the graphics myself – they are made out of the “autoshapes” you can insert into any MS word pr powerpoint document. Each graphic probably has upwards of about 50 individual shapes layered together to form the whole. They take me forever to do but they are a labour of love πŸ™‚

  18. Declutterbug says:

    I love the knob goblins. Unfortunately I know one or two

    • Rachel says:

      Hmm yes I think most of us do. They can be irritating can’t they? At least you’ll be able to spot them easily now you’ve seen a picture of one πŸ˜‰

  19. Knob goblins… Love it. The Internet is full of weird and wonderful people. In some ways in makes it interesting while also making it a scary place x

  20. Love it! All of them dead on with the descriptions. I had an anonymice issue just last week. Then I whined about it and found some kindred spirits to join me in taking the piss out of the somewhat incorrect anonymice. Ah the life cycle of it all!

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