Product Recall Notice: Opinions

The Department of Public & Official Opinions (DPOO) would like to issue the following decree effective immediately…

Product Recall Notice: Opinions

The department would like to recall the following outdated opinions as a matter of urgency and public safety.

We understand that these opinions have been in stock for many years however they are now well and truly past there “Best Before” date and are at high risk of causing societal, environmental or personal damage.

Opinion 1. Climate change isn’t real
We’d actually like to apologise about this one. This one started as a joke at the departmental Christmas party in 2005 and suddenly before we knew it things had gotten way out of hand.

Climate Change - Party

Next thing you know it’s being bandied around by major oil & gas corporations as a justifiction for coal seam gas mining!

There was only one man who could see the lasting implications of this mess, and for the record we’d just like to say…

Climate Change - Al Gore

… we’re sorry Al.

Opinion 2. The moon landing was fake and other associated sub-opinions. Look this one was a lot of fun – we’re not denying that. But that whole “It was all simulated in the backlot of MGM Studios in the 60’s” thing is really past it’s best.

The most common sub-opinion is that the moon landing had to be a fake becuse in the picture below the US flag appears to be waving in the breeze – an impossibility on the moon which has no atmosphere.

However DPOO has been given access a classified statement from Neil Armstrong himself which explains this phenomenon once and for all…

No wind on the moon - Neil armstrong said so.

No wind on the moon – Neil armstrong said so.

3. Same sex couples should not be allowed to marry.

DPOO believes that all men and women are created equal and should therefore enjoy the sames rights of marriage regardless of the gender of the parties involved.

Marriage is for everyone - love is all you need!

Marriage is for everyone – love is all you need!

This department will fight anyone who says that same sex couples are not entitled to exactly the same amount of joy that marriage has brought to millions of heterosexual couples worldwide…

Marriage

4. It is possible for women to have it all.

We think we’re at least due a little bit of credit for good intentions with this one. We just got a little… carried away.

It started off with that whole Melanie Grifith “Working Girl” thing in the 80’s, and then spiralled with Madonna during her “Express Yourself” phase. By the time the Spice Girls arrived we had already drunk the kool-aid so to speak.

Madonna & Friends

What we didn’t realise that “having” it all actually turned out to mean the same as “doing” it all. Which meant a full time job AND the majority of the house work.

We also didn’t realise that the “all” part meant that women were also supposed to be gorgeous, fit, well-read, well-dressed, and full of scintillating opninions.

AT THE SAME TIME!!!!

This is terribly unfair as I’m sure you’ll agree. Especially in light of the fact that men are often given a standing ovation for simply doing ONE of the aforementioned activities for a sustained period of time!

DPOO is now in consultation with womens groupswho are lobbying to replace this opinion with something more appropriate. Current work on this issue has been sumarised to date below…

It's a work in progess...

It’s a work in progess…

Conclusion
The opininions listed above must cease to be held immediately. Penalties for failing to comply with this notice may include DPOO suspending or completely revoking your license to hold opinions.

~ ENDS ~

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16 comments on “Product Recall Notice: Opinions

  1. Well we really are in DPOO now aren’t we … LOL love it!

  2. Rachel says:

    Thanks πŸ™‚ Let me guess… you’re also shit at ironing?

  3. VERY funny, love it! My favourite anti DPOO (or conspiracy theory, if you prefer) of 2012 was that the royal family are actually Nazi lizard aliens, that where going to welcome the mother ship to the home stage during the Olympic opening ceremony. For real, I can’t make this shit up. Google it. I don’t know how DPOO keep a lid on these things..

  4. Everything in the purple box. Just, YES.

  5. Neil Armstrong has been to the moon?? πŸ˜‰

  6. BOYEATSWORLD says:

    This made me giggle so much I spat tea all over the couch… and one of my children…. oops! πŸ™‚

  7. mumabulous says:

    Why do you have to be funny and original and make salient points – AT THE SAME TIME! BTW- I thought the moon landing thing was heading towards a fart joke. I’m ever so slightly disappointed it didn’t. Also – love your use of the term “drinking the Kool Aid”. Its hipster speak in IT circles.

  8. LOVE this! Isn’t the world such a fucked up place.

  9. Ness says:

    LOVE IT. Yep, that Working Girl movie has a lot to answer for. Those hair styles were just awful too.

  10. Grace says:

    Oh, man! I remember “Working Girl” I could never take Melanie Griffith’s weeny Minnie Mouse voice seriously. Or her bad big hair.

  11. Devil’s advocate:
    Moon, why haven’t they been back?
    FUNNY post Rach – x

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